Mat’s Blog

The one with no anal leakage March 18, 2011

A lack of blogs, yes; however usually this means I have failed. Not so much this time.

A blog was planned entitled “The one with the dismissed idea” which was put forward by one of my staff at work. The theory for Lent is as follows; that Sunday is a day of rest and, thusly, whatever one has given up for lent is allowed to be done on Sundays.

Now, I’m not religious, but I had to bring up a point. I am pretty sure that Jesus fasted for 40 days and 40 nights (several things in the bible happened for 40 days and 40 nights….odd) and that he was actually in the wilderness at the time. I argued that Jesus couldn’t nip to Tesco on Sundays as his break from the wilderness on a Sunday after which they backed down and agreed. I win again.

But the idea got me thinking. How wise, I thought. To fast/diet for six days of a week and then allow a small extravagance on the Sunday is actually genius. It got me through the last three days of last week’s fruit and veg because I had a reward; something to look forward to. The end result was that on Sunday I ate a (shock, horror) 400 cal Quorn Meatballs meal (a little too much sauce on the sauce v Balls ratio but very nice) and a Weight Watchers Macaroni cheese from the little shop around the corner. Both filling; both not too bad for me, despite not being fruit or veg. And, better still, I feel full a lot more quickly. Recently, when becoming full, if I continue to eat I end up with horrific stomach cramps as explained in the previous blog, so now if I only eat until I’m full then I’m going to lose weight by default. In theory. I think I will continue the reward scheme of Sundays, unless I see it getting out of control. I may even stretch to a small fish and chips this Sunday as a reward for 2 weeks of fruit and veg horror. The idea of fruit and veg was to lose weight and remind me how nice fruit and veg are; and whilst the first few days achieve the latter the fact that I am then trapped into eating only that makes me hate fruit and veg, which is the exact opposite of the desired outcome. Boo. Still, in theor, the weightloss bit should work.

On that subject, I am quite disappointed with my actual weightloss. I haven’t had a weigh since Tuesday this week but I had lost a paultry 4lb, which I consider to not be good enough. I’d have liked to have lost half a stone over the two weeks as a minimum, especially for how hungry I have been and this nonsense fruit and veg I have been eating. However, I have been having a relatively large amount of potatoes, which, whilst falling into the remit and not being bad for me, still aren’t exactly fruit and veg. Where’s the green stuff? In my defence I always had it with peas. One of my favourite meals was Mash, Leeks, Peas and gravy. Very veg based, nice mix of stuff but with some gravy to give it a bit of extra moistness. When I bring meat back in a chicken breast in there would make a lovely meal.

The Mother has offered to buy me three months supply of Alli tablets. Alli is a weight loss assisting tablet that gives you a 50% boost on your weight loss. So, you lose 2lb normally, it makes it 3lb. It does this by preventing the body from absorbing 25% of the fat that is eaten so less turns to actual calories, essentially reducing the calories you eat by about 25%. The key there is as part of a calorie controlled diet which is largely what I’m aiming for. Of course, there are side effects – tastefully phrased as “anal leakage” – but reading actual users reviews they say it varies massively on what it is you actually eat. For example, you eat a healthy diet of white meat & veg & bran, then your body will work properly. However, you eat a Macdonalds meal, which hasa much larger fat content, then the Alli will be converting more of the fat into poo, so there will be more poo. And, as it isn’t a solid thing, the fat, it will be liquidy poo. Which could result, potentially in leakage.

The positives push through though; an extra 50% on weight loss, and, equally as importantly, the fact that if I eat shitty fatty foods I stand a high possibility of shitting myself. Now if that was some sort of psychological conditioning then I don’t know what is. I think, however, that I will take the Mother up on her offer. However, they aren’t cheap.

Something else that isn’t cheap is hair. As you may know, I have become the proud owner of a bald patch on the crown of my head. I’m not really embarrassed or ashamed; I don’t wear a hat our toupee etc but it is, naturally…..I was going to say “at the back of my mind” now before realising that’s kind of where it is…..but you know what I mean. So, when I saw this new hair foam stuff that they were actually selling in real shops, like Boots, and not just on the internet, I thought I’d have a look. Turns out that it costs £80 for a month’s mousse, and that you have to continue to apply every month forever. Sod that for a grand a year; I’ll just deal with it like I have been since it reared it’s ugl……wait……since it arrived in 2005.

I am looking forward to Sunday. A day off – work has been very busy and it’s still going to get worse before it gets better (doesn’t stop me enjoying it!) and then I need to start factoring some exercise into the equation to really help that weight loss and bring the number down down down down down down. I will do badmington every Tuesday with work people and then another night I will do a minimum of 2 hours in the gym, rising to 3 and then four hours as I get fitter. I can start swimming again on days off and all sorts of stuff. Maybe I’ll even get into a local 5 a side team or something.